Your 2-year-old son has been wearing the same yellow shirt for a week now and just when you think he’s not looking, you pop the grubby thing into the washer. Two minutes later he’s got his chubby hands plastered to the outside of the machine, weeping like his best friend has died.

Your daughter has a fascination with putting things down the floor vent. You’ve chastised her many times about this, so when your favorite lipstick goes missing you are surprised that it’s not there; it’s actually in the VCR. There goes movie night.

Toddlers can be frustrating, confusing, delightful and terrible. The behaviors they exhibit often worry us or just plain drive us mad. But the reality is, these behaviors are often sensible and rational if you see the world through a toddler’s eyes. Here are some common (and aggravating) behaviors and the rationale behind them:

“But I want to wear that dress!”

While some toddlers don’t even notice that you’ve actually put clothes on them, there are many who seem to need to wear the same clothes everyday. It’s not so much that they like the way they look in the outfit; it’s that they like the way they feel: comfortable and in control. Children this age are no longer babies but they aren’t quite independent either. Many activities throughout the day are new and unfamiliar, which feels stressful to them. Change leads a child to believe he has little control in his world, and let’s face it--toddlers don’t have much say in their daily choices.

What can you do about it?

Try to ride this stage out because this behavior will go away. Dirty clothes are socially inappropriate, so consider buying two exact outfits so that your child at least wears a clean one each day. Try getting a different set of clothes on your child at night after bath time; then maybe that will be a new outfit he can wear throughout the next day. But be aware: Psychologists warn that by having a favorite outfit suddenly disappear, your child can become even more anxious about his ever-changing world, and the clothing obsession period could take longer to move through.

“But, I want to hear that story again!”

You literally have the book memorized and can recite it in your sleep but it’s the only story they want to hear. Early childhood professionals agree that reading to children is very important, but you worry they’re not getting a variety of knowledge because of the fascination with one little book. Toddlers enjoy the familiarity of the story because, for the first time, they can predict something in their tiny sphere. They know what happens next! They also value the bonding time with you and have learned that ‘The End’ means that time is over. Once again, feeling like they have a little control over their lives, they shout, “Read it again!”

What can you do about it?

Relax and read the story again. All research points to the fact that if children are read to during the first three years of their lives, they do better in school than those children who haven’t been read to. Use the boring little book as a teaching tool for answering questions about feelings, colors and objects seen. This helps them relate illustrations to words. Introduce your favorite book and ask permission to read it one night. Then add ‘Daddy’s favorite,’ etc., until there are several books to choose from. Make reading fun by wearing a silly hat or changing your voice for the different characters. You are establishing that reading IS fun.

“I don’t know where I put it!”

We ask ourselves, “But why did he have to break my expensive watch?” It’s simple: Toddlers are drawn to what their parents pay attention to. The VCR, the TV, our jewelry, clocks--the pieces of equipment we use each day. Curiosity is rampant during these early years, and what better things to be interested in than the things they see their parents using? This curiosity and the resulting destruction or loss of an important object teaches the uncomfortable, yet new, concept of cause and effect.

What can you do about it?

Gates and locks work to keep some children away from important or expensive items, but other kids are like smoke and seem to slip through all barricades, and within minutes have the DVD player looking like a building set. The best solution is to let your child be curious on less expensive, creative toys and put away the items you’d hate to replace. Supervision of an activity, like having your child put a DVD into the player may dissipate his need to stuff cereal in there later. Remember that memory has not yet fully developed in your toddler, and telling him over and over not to touch something will never even cross his mind the next time he gets fascinated with the stereo equipment. It’s better to re-direct with another interesting toy because words alone will be wasted on him at this stage.

“I don’t want to eat that!”

Can a 2-year-old really survive on Froot Loops day after day? Many parents fear that they’ll have to take their child to the doctor’s office shortly if he doesn’t start eating more than cheese sticks. Toddler’s have total control over this activity: you can’t make them eat. Their new-found independence blooms once they discover that they are in control during mealtime. They feel success in expressing their likes and dislikes. But there are actually biological reasons affecting picky eating habits that the toddler isn’t even aware of. Dr. Harriet Worobey, director of the Nutritional Sciences Preschool at Rutgers University, states that Mother Nature puts “the brakes on their eating habits because the toddler’s growth needs to slow down.” She adds, “They certainly can’t continue to get bigger at the rate they experience in their first year…it’s time to grow more slowly and get taller and leaner.” Another interesting study directed professionals to the term “neophobia,” meaning “a fear of the new.” Babies were found to put anything in their mouths--even dangerous and gross items. Research demonstrated that around age 1, something kicks in that tells the toddler, 'You might want to think before putting that in your mouth.' This neophobia becomes important as they begin their curious exploration of the world.

What can you do about it?

Allow children to gradually get used to new foods without forcing them or bribing them. Studies show that when toddlers were offered the same food eight to 10 times, but weren’t forced to finish the food, eventually they chose to eat it on their own. Figure out what your child is willing to eat and add a food that is similar in nature, texture or taste. Put a new food on the plate with a tiny portion of his favorite food. Chances are your child will still be hungry and might go ahead and try the new food. Never bribe because your toddler will realize his ability to win the food game every time. Cook undesired food into your child’s meal—put cooked carrots in the spaghetti sauce or muffins.

“I’m tired but I’m not slowing down!”

For young children, exhaustion is like fuel while they work themselves up until they are physically frantic and on the edge of an emotional brink. Tantrums are sure to follow. There’s no mystery here: When toddlers get tired, they get wired. They aren’t misbehaving; they just need to be in bed.

What can you do about it?

The easy thing about putting a toddler to bed earlier is that they can’t tell time yet! If your child is cranky and running around the house at 8 p.m., try putting her to bed at 7:30 instead. Try getting more exercise into the daily routine since some studies show that toddlers who don’t burn off enough energy during the day get more worked up before bedtime than those who are more active. About an hour before bedtime, introduce quieter activities into the child's routine. Some children like bedtime stories and some don’t. Experiment, because children are different as to what calms them. Music or quiet singing might work for the children who don’t want a story. Another idea is to have your daughter show you how her dolls get ready for bed right before her turn to crawl under the covers, or your son can ‘retire’ his trucks for the night.

“But I want to be naked!”

Naked Toddlers are extremely fast and really hard to grab a hold of--especially in the middle of a grocery store. You can put their clothes back on, but within minutes, tiny jeans and socks are scattered again. This little display of exhibitionism comes from an attempt to be free of restrictions. Once again, they’re moving toward their own independence, and the act of shedding restricting clothes feels like a good solution to them. During these toddler years they are finally free of taped-on diapers, snapped-on overalls and footy pajamas. The only problem is they have no ability to discern where to be naked and that there’s a social stigma associated with standing naked on the front lawn.

What can you do about it?

Allow your child the freedom without being punitive or shocked, but explain that there are acceptable places to be without clothes, like the bathroom or bedroom, and that some places, like the kitchen or the store, are places where everyone has to be dressed. Psychologists say it’s important to give time and space to this phase, but it’s also okay to dress them in clothes that have snaps in the crotch and buckles over the shoulders, slowing them down a bit. Other experts say that if a child can get out of his clothes, it’s a perfect time to teach toilet training. A child may not be upset by urinating in a diaper, he won’t enjoy it running down his naked legs.

The Terrible 2s, when viewed from a toddler’s perspective, are actually a terrific time. Toddlers are becoming a part of the world and exploring their new independence. Your goal is to understand them and to enjoy this phase right along with them.